C'est la vie

Being 27 years old now, I look back at all the "confusing" times of my life.

Of course no one can be happy all the time- at least no humans that I know of. It is of course natural to have periods of highs and lows. Everyone gets sad, insecure or lonely once in a while. And even the best of us can become confused and feel trapped. Many of us unwittingly get stuck in these lows because its easy being stuck. It requires far less effort and we somehow feel safer to stay in the known,  because the UNknown is a scary place...

The brave are the ones that stop and think- WHY am I unhappy? WHY am I not living my life to the fullest? AM I doing the things to actively become the person I want to be? When we can stop and ask these questions, as painful as the answers may be- we start the first step in finding our purpose in life.

There have been many times in my life- where I thought I was doing the things that make me happy. I went to school, and went to more school. Built a stable relationship, moved in together, got a dog(or two). I studied for exams and finished applications, but something was always not right. I knew I wasn't quite doing what I was supposed to be doing with my yet...

I have had many beautiful, wonderful, joyful people in my life, but even with all that love, I realized that I can never be happy with anyone- unless I am happy with myself first :)

So I have taken the path less taken, and everyday I fail at 99 out of the 100 things I do, but that's a risk I have chosen to take. And I am constantly challenged to make choices that I never thought I would have to make. It seems once you take the first step in a different direction, more and more you veer off your old path and there is no going back. It is scary. So freaking scary sometimes. I watch my friends, family and peers living the life I "should" have had. And sometimes I feel like they no longer understand me and my choices- they think I have given up all the great things I have worked so hard for in my life to hedge a bet on unpredictable, unstable and unknown risks in a far-flung corner of the world. Sometimes I too, question if I made the right choice, and I am filled with doubt. My friends update me on their important life milestones and I congratulate them on their success. Sometimes I wonder, perhaps I could have been happy living that life too...?

Mmm. but when I stop and really think hard about it, I know in my heart- there is no other life I would rather live. I am still trying to find me- but in the meantime- I am free.

"C'est la vie" my friends! It's almost time for Nice, France- XOXO- Ran